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The Art of Silence in Negotiating
As Sarah wound her way past the tables and toward the stage to get her
"Top Salesperson Award" at the company's annual dinner, her
colleagues were mumbling about how someone with the firm only a year could
have sold more than anyone else.
Sarah was pleasant enough, but hardly the gregarious salesman type. When
asked how, Sarah wasn't talking. What her colleagues didn't know is that
was the real key to her success. Sarah was making sales by practicing
the art of silence, not the art of talking. Silence is the secret tool
of power negotiators.
Knowing when to listen, not talk. Using facial expressions, not your
voice, to make a point. Here are five tips on how perfecting the art of
silence can make you a better negotiator:
1. Listen more. Listening is not passive. One can control the negotiation
process by simply listening well. When we listen well, we gain the trust
and confidence of others. When people are encouraged to talk, they tell
us their needs, their wants, their dreams, and their plan of action; in
short, they give us information. When we truly listen to people, we make
them feel important, particularly if we are making good eye contact while
listening. The problem is that most of us don't truly listen when others
talk. We just can't remain silent long enough to really hear them. Chances
are we are just marking time until we can jump in and start talking. We
should be aware that every time we do talk, we open ourselves to being
vulnerable.
2. The 10-second strategy. Silence makes most of us uncomfortable. In
today's world, there is noise all around us, from the cell phones ringing,
to the iPod in our ear, to chats around the water cooler. We are conditioned
to noise, not being silent. Try this test: the next time you are negotiating
with the other party, and they say something like "well, that's my
offer," don't utter a word for 10 seconds. It's practically guaranteed
they will jump in with another offer or more information, anything to
break the silence. When you get comfortable with 10 seconds, bump it up
to 20 seconds. The silence will hang like lead and drive 'em crazy!
3. Ask questions. A good way to learn silence is to ask questions, another
secret weapon of successful negotiators. The person asking the questions
controls the conversation. While you can get information from the person
answering the question, generally if you have done your homework, you
should already know the answer before you ask. Lawyers are taught to never
ask a question without already knowing the answer; good advice.
What you are really doing here is getting the other person to talk, perhaps
to verify your information, but really to feel more comfortable working
with you, and therefore to trust you. Let's turn that around. Realize
that when someone asks you a question, there is no law that says you have
to answer. Try remaining silent. The questioner will likely start talking
again. A good negotiator who really does not want to answer a question
might, after awhile, say something like "before I answer that, tell
me why you ask." Throw it back. Remember, there is no law that states
you have to answer questions asked of you.
4. Pause more between sentences. In a recent study, a team of scientists
showed that in listening to a musical symphony, just a one-to-two second
break between movements triggers a flurry of mental activity. So could
a one-to-two second pause between sentences be just as powerful in helping
others comprehend our information? Any comedian will tell you that it
is the timing of pauses in their delivery that determines their success.
Those of us who are fast talkers have to learn to be more deliberate and
practice this art of pausing between sentences for more emphasis.
5. The flinch, the shrug, the smile. These actions are all guaranteed
to carry a powerful message, as you remain totally silent! The flinch
is the quick, jerky movement of the shoulders, with a pained look on your
face, as if you have just been stricken. It sends an immediate message
you did not like what you heard. Once you flinch, then what? Why, remain
silent. Wait for the other party to speak, and they quickly will, chances
are while scrabbling to sweeten the deal.
The shrug of the shoulders sends the message that you just don't care;
you're not interested. Again, remain silent. And the smile. A silent smile
is powerfully enigmatic (ask Mona Lisa), and the other party is left to
guess what you are thinking. And, yes, again, don't let the first person
who speaks be you.
Power negotiators, whether sellers or buyers, know that what you don't
say is sometimes more powerful than what you do say. Use these tips the
next time you negotiate and enjoy the power that silence brings.
About the Author
Liz Tahir honed her negotiating skills through years of making multimillion
deals in company boardrooms to bargaining for a brass bauble in a Turkish
bazaar. A former corporate executive, she has, for the past 17 years,
headed Liz Tahir & Associates as a marketing consultant, conference
speaker, and business writer. Liz has delivered seminars and workshops
from Japan to Brazil on improving negotiating skills for better success
in today's international marketplace. For more information about her services,
go to http://www.liztahir.com,
or call her at (504) 569-1670.
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